SHORT STORY (8) FOOD FOR THOUGHT

FOOD FOR THOUGHT by Gerard O’Neil

John looked at this watch for the third time in as many minutes.

“The taxi is late!” John proclaimed stating the obvious.

He was just about to look at his watch again when the above mentioned vehicle appeared around the corner and screeched to a stop in front of them. John quickly bundled his wife and her luggage inside and indicated to the driver that he needed to put his foot down if his wife was going to catch her bus on time.

Rolling down the window John’s wife began to rattle off one more final list of instructions. The taxi driver smiled at John as if to say; “I have experience in such matters.” He dropped the clutch in such a way that as they took off John’s wife went flying into the back of her seat. By the time she had regained her composure, they were already moving at speed.

A moment before they were out of ear shot, John heard his wife call back;

“…. Oh and one last thing dear. I love you!”

The moment John entered the house and closed the front door a large smile appeared on his face. For months he had been waiting for this moment! His wife would be out of town visiting her parents for two whole weeks!

“What will I do first,” John gleefully thought out loud! “I know! A big cup of coffee with two spoons of sugar, not my usual one, would be a great way to begin my two weeks of liberty!”

Once his coffee was ready, John made his way to the cookie jar and selected three large chocolate biscuits. Half way back to the living room however, his conscience got the better of him. He back tracked and returned the smallest of the three biscuits to the cookie jar. For an instant he imagined his wife standing over him “tut tutting”, and lecturing him about his cholesterol level.

An hour later, John could be found in the pantry again, this time selecting a large packet of potato chips. With great anticipation he opened a packet and peered in. There seemed to be so many crisps inside and they were all for him! He couldn’t remember the last time he had devoured a whole packet of chips by himself. Normally he had                                                    to share them with his wife!

Shortly after finishing the chips, John felt thirsty and so began to make himself another cup of coffee. While he was waiting for the water to boil he snaked another chocolate biscuit.

With coffee in hand, John returned to the living room and watched his favorite T.V. program. At the end of it, he carefully got up and returned to the kitchen, this time to get rid of the crumbs that had collected in the folds of his jersey. While he was in the kitchen he accidently opened the pantry door and noticed the cookie jar lid had not been screwed on properly. He picked up the jar up to rectify this error but in doing so was tempted! Before he knew it, two more chocolate biscuits had disappeared down his throat. Tomorrow he promised himself he would abstain totally from biscuits.

As the afternoon turned into night, the pile of coffee cups, plates, magazines and sweet wrappers grew beside John’s chair. At bed time he collected up the cups and plates and placed them unwashed into the sink. He felt a little tinge of conscience as he knew his wife would never have approved. First thing in the morning he promised himself he would wash them.

John had just climbed into bed when the phone rang twice, stopped, rang twice more and then stopped again. A pang of loneness hit him. The call had been a prearranged signal from his wife to let him know she had arrived safely.   Since he hadn’t picked up the receiver he wouldn’t need to pay for a long distance call. John imagined his wife and her parents at that very moment sitting in their living room, talking and joking and catching up on all their news. In contrast John needed to be content with an empty bed and extra pillow. He exchanged his wife’s pillow for his own. The faint scent of her perfume lulled him to sleep.

The next morning John woke late. For a long time he lay there doing nothing. Eventually he got up to face the day. He had absolutely nothing planned. He went to the kitchen and made himself breakfast. He added these dishes to the pile in the sink as well.

“I will wash them later when I am in the mood,” he said out loud

. 

As lunch time approached, John wondered what he could prepare. It was years since he had needed to make such a big decision. Then an idea struck him. He would go down to the local supermarket and buy his favorite meal, “freshly roasted chicken!”

In the supermarket John selected the smallest chicken he could find. The only problem was that “the smallest” was still very large as it had been designed to satisfy a hungry family of four.

By the time John reached the checkout his shopping basket had mysteriously filled up with other essentials such as; sweets, potato chips, ice cream and chocolate biscuits. The checkout girl gave John a knowing smile.

“His wife must be away,” she thought!

Back home, John ate his lunch in silence. When he was finished his lunch dishes were also added to the pile in the sink.

“I will wash them later when I am in the mood,” he said out loud. 

John spent the afternoon surfing television channels while munching through the goodies he had bought at the supermarket. When he went to prepare his evening meal to his horror he discovered that there were no more clean cups or plates available. All they owned were stacked up dirty in the sink. While he waited for the leftover chicken to reheat, John was forced to wash the dishes. As he was washing the last plate he had a brilliant idea. He went to the picnic basket in the pantry and retrieved all the paper plates and plastic knives and forks he could find. Now he could simply eat his meals and throw away his dirty dishes.

On Monday John went to work. When he arrived home again that night he was half expecting his wife to be there waiting for him, but of course she wasn’t. He set about preparing his evening meal. This did not take long as he was going to dine on reheated roast chicken. 

As the week progressed, John slowly became accustomed to living alone. Meals weren’t a problem as his supermarket roasted chicken lasted until Friday. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he had eaten it reheated and on Thursday he had used what remained to make chicken soup. There was sufficient soup to cover Friday as well.

On Saturday John sent out for pizza and on Sunday, being at a loss as to what to eat, he returned to the supermarket and bought another freshly roasted chicken and some other essential odds and ends; sweets, ice cream, potato chips and chocolate biscuits. The checkout girl gave John another knowing smile.

“Poor boy, his wife must be still away,” she thought!

On the following Monday John discovered he had a major problem. He had no more pressed shirts. While munching on a chocolate biscuit, he turned the problem over in his mind. It didn’t take him long to think of a solution. He got out the iron and soon had a neat pile of rumpled shirts with nicely pressed collars. If he wore a jersey to work instead of a jacket he reasoned, no one would know the rest of his shirt wasn’t ironed.

The new supermarket chicken lasted until Friday. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he had eaten it reheated. On Thursday he had used the leftovers to make chicken soup, which had served for Friday as well. By now he was so sick of chicken that if he never saw another piece of poultry in his life he wouldn’t be the least worried. The same was true for chocolate biscuits. He had eaten so many over the last two weeks that the mere thought of one made him feel queasy.

On Saturday John woke early and jumped out of bed. His wife was due home that afternoon. He spent the day cleaning the house.

As the time came for his wife’s arrival approached John found himself looking at this watch for the third time in as many minutes.

“Her taxi is late!” he proclaimed out loud to no one in particular.  

John was just about to look at his watch again when the above mentioned vehicle appeared around the corner and screeched to a stop in front of him.

“Hello dear,” John’s wife said planting a fat kiss on his cheek. “Did you miss me?”

“Just a little,” John lied.

“I have a surprise for you,” his wife said with a smile. “As we were passing the supermarket I asked the taxi driver to wait for me while I dashed in to buy something nice for our tea. It’s your favorite! Freshly roasted chicken! For desert I purchased some lovely chocolate biscuits.  To celebrate my return, I’ll allow you to have two!”

  

ANSWERS

Comprehension Check

(1)  Who was John’s wife going to visit and how long would she be away for?

John’s wife was going to visit her parents. She would be away for two weeks.

(2)  What was the first thing John did when he was alone?

He made himself a cup of coffee and attacked the cookie jar.

(3)  Where was the cookie jar located?

The cookie jar was located in the pantry.

(4)  How did John solve the problem of dirty dishes?

He began to use paper plates and plastic knives and forks.

(5)  When did John eventually get around to washing the dishes in the sink?

On the evening of his second day, alone.

(6)  Why do you think the checkout girl felt sorry for John?

Because only someone living alone would be buying the type of groceries John had in his basket.

(7)  What did John eat on Saturday?

He ate pizza.

(8)  What was John’s solution to the problem of un-ironed shirts?

He just ironed their collars, (the only part of the shirt exposed). By wearing a jersey (rather than a jacket) and never taking it off no one would know the rest of the shirt was not pressed.

(9)  Do you know what the expression “henpecked husband” means? Do you think John is an example of one?

A “henpecked husband” is a man, thoroughly and continually dominated, intimidated, bullied, or browbeaten by a woman, especially his wife or girlfriend.

(10)  In a relationship the term “wears the trousers” refers to the person who makes all the important decisions. In the case of John and his wife, who ‘wore the trousers’?

John’s wife wore the trousers in their relationship. 

TO PRINT